


I’m Not Valuable

by Poltergeist897



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Credence Barebone Gets a Hug, Credence Barebone Needs a Hug, Gellert Grindelwald Being Creepy, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mary Lou Barebone is Her Own Warning, Original Percival Graves is a Softie, Protective Original Percival Graves, Tags May Change, almost prostitution, cop graves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-09-02 06:07:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20271202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poltergeist897/pseuds/Poltergeist897
Summary: He’d been called to the principals office. He didn’t know why, but he knew it wasn’t good.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Story Carved Into My Skin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16529474) by [book_worm321](https://archiveofourown.org/users/book_worm321/pseuds/book_worm321). 

> This work has been inspired by book_worm321’s work “Carved into my Skin”. I have been reading way too many Credence x Grave fanfics and started writing my own when it occurred to me that my AU sounded very similar to one I’d already read! (Please forgive me!!!) book_worm321’s story is incredibly moving and I know that my first chapter is essentially the same as their first chapter so I feel it’s only right for me to say I’ve basically copied their work. Please go read their work!  
I may delete this work/chapter in future as I don’t see this story as an original idea on my part and I don’t want to discredit book_worm321’s work. I’m just posting this work as I’m procrastinating on my other AU’s XD

He’d been called to the principals office. He didn’t know why, but he knew it wasn’t good. 

He was constantly behind on his homework, his grades had dropped from B’s to C’s and he’d been late to school everyday that week. 

Credence bit the inside of his cheek as he fidgeted nervously in the seat outside the office. Maybe he wasn’t there to be told off? Maybe the principal had made a mistake? Asked him to come to the office when she had actually wanted to see someone else? 

But then again if it wasn’t a mistake... 

Would his Ma be called? Would the principal give him a detention? What if she excluded him?

Ma would kill him. 

Then again if she found out he had been called to the principals she would kill him. 

He would likely be getting several lashings for this, no breakfast or dinner for the next two weeks and his stomach twisted at the thought... well maybe it was just from hunger and lack of sleep. 

“Mr Barebone?” 

Credence’s head snapped up upon hearing his name, becoming slightly dizzy at the sudden movement. 

There in the doorway of the Principals office was his biology teacher, Mr Scamander, wearing an expression of concern.

Oh no. 

Out of all of Credence’s teachers, Mr Scamander was his favourite. He was kind, passionate about his subject and his lessons were always great fun and often taught outside on sunny days. That being said, Credence had been a terrible student the last couple of weeks. He had not given in one of Mr Schamanders assignments, left work incomplete, fallen asleep in his lessons and had been late almost every time. 

Credence gulped down the dry lump in his throat as Mr Schamander beckoned him into the office, knees buckling as he stood and followed his teacher, 100% certain this was how he was going to die. He practically felt his breath ripped from him as he entered to find not only the principal, sat sternly behind her desk, but two others in the room. 

One was a slim, doe eyed woman with short brown hair cut into a bob and dressed in a grey suit with a sensible pair of black loafers. The other... the other made Credence’s entire body freeze in fear. 

It was a policeman.

Credence felt himself go into a cold sweat. What had he done? Was he in trouble? Of course he was in trouble! Why else would he be called to the principals office? Why else would there be a policeman? 

Was it because he’d been late to class? Not done his homework? Was that even a crime? 

He began to walk backwards towards the door clutching his bag to his chest as if his life depended on it. The door to the office shut behind him, Mr Scamander almost sensing he was about to pull a runner. His teacher placed their hand gently on Credence’s shoulder and Credence couldn’t help but flinch as he was led to sit in a chair in front of the principals desk. 

“Good afternoon Mr Barebone,” his principal, Ms Picquery said calmly. “You don’t need to look so worried, you’re not in trouble.”

Credence doubted that. 

For one he’d been called to the principals office, two there was a policeman and three if his Ma found out about this, he was dead. 

There was no way he was not in trouble.

“Mr Scamander tells me you’ve been under performing in class lately.” Ms Picquery continued.   
Credence felt his bottom lip tremble slightly as he started to stutter out an apology only for Ms Picquery to wave him off.

“There’s no need to apologise, Mr Barebone,” she said softly. “You haven’t been called here for me to lecture you about your grades. That’s the least of our concerns right now.”

He was trembling now, leg bouncing as he felt his head spin. If his grades weren’t the issue then what was? What had he done? Why was there a policeman here? Were they going to exclude him? What had he done to get himself in trouble?!

“Mr Scamander and a few other teachers have brought to my attention their concerns about your wellbeing...” Credence gulped. “They said they’ve noticed scarring and wounds on your hands, blood on the back of your shirt, weight loss, low energy.... lack of social interaction...”

Credence felt all eyes on him as he curled in on himself, trying to become as small as possible wanting nothing more than to disappear. 

“Miss Goldstein here,” she gestured to the lady in the grey suit, who offered a comforting smile towards Credence. “Is a social worker. She’s been working with officer Grave’s, who I believe you’ve met before?” 

Credence looked up at that and felt his heart drop in realisation. 

Oh no.

He had met the policeman before. 

Quite a few times before. 

His Ma was often getting into trouble with the police. She would preach in areas she didn’t have a permit to preach in. Organise protests that would often become violent. She had been taken in for several accounts of slander and physical assault (all of which she had been bailed out of).

The cops were often called due to noise complaints from neighbours who insisted they could hear screaming late into the night from Credence’s young sisters and Ma’s angry yelling.   
The cop who had showed up every time had been none other than officer Graves. 

Credence would always be made to open the door, his Ma stood behind him in her dressing gown as if to seem as though she was just heading to bed. His young sisters would also be there, dressed in their nighties to seem as though they too were just about to head to bed, tears dried and fake smiles plastered on their faces. 

It wasn’t often they were beaten by Ma, maybe twice a month. And even then they had it easier than their older brother. Whilst they would maybe receive five smacks to their buttocks with a wooden ruler, Credence would be whipped with his leather belt almost every day. Sometimes if he begged hard enough, she’d take pity on him and opt for marking his back rather than his hands, but, unlike his sisters, his Ma wouldn’t stop if he cried loud enough for the neighbours to hear. If anything she’d just beat him harder. So he didn’t cry. Not anymore. Not in front of her. 

Ma always said she hated seeing him cry, though it wasn’t because she felt guilt like when she punished his sisters, no, it was disgust. She hated seeing him cry because ‘boys don’t cry’. 

It was obvious that in her own sick way she loved his sisters and it was obvious she hated him. No matter what he did he’d always seemed to have done wrong. Some days she’d ask him to do the impossible, setting him up for failure, but Credence always would attempt to do what she wanted him to do. Every time he grasped onto the slither of hope that he’d achieve. That’d he’d complete all his chores in time. But he always failed. Every time he failed.

He only had an hour between the time he got home from school to the time she arrived back from her endeavours (and sometimes she would return earlier), it was impossible to finish all the chores and make dinner by then! 

His sisters would only be punished if they forgot their manners and even then there was some leeway with how Ma might punish them, only really going for the ruler on days she was truly angry. 

Every time it would be Officer Graves who would arrive to ask about the noise and if everything was ok. 

Ma would laugh, telling some lie about how the girls would just become over excited, or they were having just a normal domestic quarrel. When Officer Graves asked the girls if that was true they would always agree, nodding their heads with big toothy grins stretched tightly across their faces. 

He’d then look to Credence, the willowy figure standing behind the door, pale faced and fearful. Credence would agree, though his eyes would be wide and looking elsewhere, hands trembling and visibly gulping. He never smiled. He couldn’t. 

Maybe after all these years he’d forgotten how to. Even if it was just a fake one, Credence seemed to have lost the ability to tilt the corners of his lips up. What did it matter anyway? His happiness didn’t matter. He didn’t deserve happiness. He was a sinner. A stupid, good for nothing, sinner.

Officer Graves always smiled at him. Not to his Ma or his sisters. HIM. 

The cops gentle, handsome face was staring right at him and smiling. The smile wasn’t fake like his sisters or his Mas, it was sincere, caring, and Credence always looked away in guilt. 

Because he’d lied.

He’d lied to a cop.

Officer Graves would then go on to say how if there was any issue, anything at all (he exaggerated this with a nod in Credence’s direction), to just call him before handing Credence his card. 

He’d done this more times than Credence could count and no matter how much he had wanted to hold onto the kind officers card, his Ma always binned them (muttering under her breath about the so called “pigs of society” and how they were out to stop her and God’s plan to change the world).

But now here he was, sat right in front of Officer Graves and his Ma no where in sight. 

“He won’t believe me,” Credence thought. “And even if he did, he’ll know I deserved it.” 

“Mr Barebone, it’s nice to see you again.” Greeted the warm, deep voice of Officer Graves. As relaxing as that voice was however, it instead made Credence’s gut twist in anxiety. “It’s just a shame it’s under these circumstances.”

Circumstances?

What circumstances?

Was he really going to be arrested?

But they said he wasn’t in trouble?

So what circumstances were they?

“Mr Barebone, there’s no need to look frightened.” Promised his principal. “Like we said, you’re not in trouble. We just need to know if you’re ok.”

“I-I’m fine...” Credence whispered lowly, stuttering his words as he shrunk further in on himself and lowered his head to look at the floor. 

He heard his principal sigh. “I’m afraid it’s gotten to the point where we can’t just believe that and forget this whole meeting ever happened.”

Credence winced, his eyes falling shut as he wished this was nothing more than a bad dream. 

“We would like you to show Miss Goldstein and Officer Graves your hands if that’s ok? Mr Scamander says you’ve been struggling to write in class...”

Credence shook his head, his hands balling into fists. 

“Credence-“

“No.”

Everyone went silent, staring at the trembling boy who had just snapped at his principal. Credence’s eyes went wide as he realised what he’d just done and he stuttered out a rambled apology about how sorry he was for talking back.

Suddenly a hand landed on his shoulder and Credence went stiff in realisation that he was going to get hit. He tried apologising again but found his voice come out in a choked sob. 

“Would you mind if I took a look at your hands, Credence?” Officer Graves asked calmly, his hand gently rubbing Credence’s shoulder.

Graves held out his hand towards the trembling boy and after a moment of hesitation, Credence slowly held out both his hands. 

He shook uncontrollably as Officer Graves took hold of both his hands and ran his thumb across the healing welts. Credence saw Miss Goldstein come over and take a few photos on her phone, jotting some notes down on a pad, biting her lip in concern before asking Credence if he was hurt anywhere else. 

Credence ignored her questions though, letting his eyes gaze up to stare at Officer Graves, who was assessing his hands with a deep frown.

Did he hate him now?

Was he angry with him now that he knew he had lied?

Credence couldn’t tell but he knew it was bad.

“I-I wanted to tell you...” Credence whispered, eyes swelling with tears as Officer Graves looked up at him in confusion. “But Ma binned your phone number...” 

Realisation filled Graves face as he looked back at Credence’s scarred hands and deeply sighed, eyes falling shut as he shook his head.

He was angry.

He was angry with Credence. 

He hated Credence.

“I-I’m sorry-!” Credence stuttered as he pulled himself out of the officers hands and ran to the door of the office, shoving it open and sprinting as fast as he could down the corridor, ignoring the cries of his name from behind him. 

He raced out of the school building towards the back of the playground where he knew there was a gap in the fence and squeezed his way through it, ripping a part of his old blazer on a sharp piece of metal as he crawled his way out, not caring that he had dropped several of his notebooks on the ground as he ran. 

Credence didn’t get very far until his legs finally gave out, toppling to the floor like a rag doll. He tried to get back up but his stomach twisted in agony and he doubled over in pain, clutching at his tummy. White spots invaded his vision and each breath he made, as he panted, ached through his body. 

He felt as though he was going to vomit but every time he gagged all he managed to spit out was vile. He’d been living on the few scraps his mother would give him after dinner, no breakfast and only a sandwich at lunch. That sprint had used the last crumb of energy he had left and he was sure this was where he was going to die. Lying in a heap in the alleyway behind his school. Like the sinner he was.

Just as he thought death had finally taken him, his vision blurred and white noise filled his ears, he felt himself be lifted into strong arms and a deep voice whispering his name. He vaguely recalled feeling a hand stroking over his face, brushing his hair off his forehead as if to feel his temperature. 

It was the last thing he remembered before he finally lost consciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGSTY STUFF AHEAD!!!! TWIGGER WARNING:  
Suicide attempt  
Almost rape (but thankfully none takes place)  
Forced prostitution (but thankfully not)  
Chapter is a depressing trip but there’s always a happy ending!!!!!

Credence spent the next few years of his life in and out of foster care. His sisters, although also suffering from trauma, recovered quickly from the ordeal and were eventually adopted by other families. Credence wasn’t so lucky. 

No one wanted an introverted and miserable looking boy with mental health issues almost reaching adulthood. 

He used to be fostered with his sisters who would blossom in each home they were sent too. Modesty would charm each family with her childish innocence and Chastity would become greatly appreciated in the households with her beautiful manners where she’d constantly ask if there were any chores that needed doing and if she could assist in making dinner. 

Whilst his sisters settled easily into domestic life, Credence did not. He avoided his foster careers like the plague, he didn’t dare ask them for anything and refused eye contact always. He stopped talking eventually, only saying the odd sorry every now and again. Leaving his room was only done when he needed to use the bathroom, when he was called for dinner or when he was being taken to school. Other than that, Credence never left the safety of his room. Even if he was bored (having no personal belongings to keep him entertained other than his bible) he remained on the bed his foster carers had leant him, lying on his side and staring at the wall. 

He didn’t talk to his sisters anymore. His foster carers always came to get him when it was dinner time or to get him ready for school but other than that, they left him alone. Modesty had stopped coming to check on him and he’d never had the closest relationship with Chasity. 

At least when he had been living with Ma he hadn’t been completely alone. Sure her company wasn’t the kindest, but it was something. Hadn’t there been a saying like that? Better to be hated than to be ignored? 

It wasn’t like no one was trying to ignore him, but Credence just couldn’t trust them no matter who they were. No matter how much they’d try to make friendly conversation, Credence just wouldn’t talk to them. He just knew they must hate him! Here they were trying to have fun with his wonderful sisters and he was there. A dark miserable cloud looming over them, a constant reminder that with his sisters, came him. 

The woeful, introverted boy who locked himself in his room all day and wouldn’t talk to anyone.  
They had to hate him. He was so awkward and dull and boring and, and- 

He was a freak. 

A stupid, crazy, freak. 

And no one would ever want him.

He wasn’t valuable to anyone.

His therapy sessions were stopped, each therapist not being able to make any progress with him. They had discussed getting him proper medical assistance in the form of a Mental institution, however with his 18th birthday on the horizon he would eventually be written off the children’s waiting list for mental health and be moved to the adult waiting list. And that was a long list. 

A long list that he was placed at the bottom of.

The mental health team insisted that as soon as there was an opening Credence would be moved to the top of the list but, considering they offered more or less the same treatment Credence had underwent before, no one was positive it would have much of an improvement. Instead they suggested he go private, something he just couldn’t afford to do.

His doctors had placed him on antidepressants but after he had been moved out of the care system and made to provide for himself, he couldn’t afford to pay for them either.

After dropping out of school and having no hope of attending or getting into university, Credence tried looking for a job. His social worker, Miss Goldstein or Tina as she asked him to call her, managed to get him a job at her brother inlaw’s bakery. His boss, Jacob Kowalski, was a kind, jolly man who worked patiently with Credence and allowed the timid boy to work at his own pace. And, although Credence never spoke to him, he became a very trusted employee. Arriving on time everyday, doing exactly as he was told and, all in all, Jacob couldn’t ask for a more perfect worker! 

Jacob’s wife (and Tina’s sister), Queenie, also treated Credence with complete kindness and patience, never once put off by the boys cautious nature or lack of conversation. She always exchanged pleasantries with him, even if they weren’t always returned, and often gave him free pastries to take home for his dinner. They were a lovely couple, with bright smiles and positive attitudes. Working alongside each other in a beautiful bakery and showing Credence, a creepy stranger, complete hospitality.

Credence only had the job for two months. After dropping a tray of freshly baked pastries, Credence had ran from the bakery and never came back. 

Jacob hadn’t even looked mad or angry, as he came over to clean up the mess, asking if Credence was hurt and for him not to worry about it.

But it was too late.

No matter how kind Jacob seemed, Credence had failed and failure meant punishment. If the punishment wasn’t physical, it would be emotional and Credence couldn’t bare the thought of Mr Kowalski hating him. 

And Credence couldn’t face anyone else hating him. 

So with nothing more than a bin bag of the very few clothes he owned, some toiletries and money, Credence left his job and his flat, got on a bus and left the city. He didn’t know where he would go but he knew he couldn’t stay there any longer. Not when everyone hated him. 

He prayed the entire bus ride to his ma, begging her to forgive him for what he’d done. If he hadn’t been caught, his Ma would have never gone to prison. His sisters would never have been adopted. And he wouldn’t be alone. It was all his fault. All of it. 

He should have bandaged his hands better, worked harder at his chores or made better attempts with his school work. His Ma had adopted him when he had only been two years old, raised him, fed him, gave him a home and he repaid her by getting her arrested and put away?

Every therapist told him he hadn’t deserved to be beaten, to be starved and degraded like that. He hadn’t even really needed to testify in court, his Ma apparently admitting to everything she’d done to him, though instead of calling it abuse she had called it ‘discipline’. 

Credence agreed, he had only been beaten because he’d done wrong. He was a sinner as his Ma had said. He deserved to be beaten into submission.

The therapists, lawyers and social workers disagreed, explaining how his “faults” didn’t deserve that brutal of a punishment. How some of his actions weren’t even deemed punishable in most households. 

But Ma always knew best, he’d thought. Everyone had always told him to “listen to your mother”, so he did. Ma always preached about God and how if Credence didn’t follow Gods will he’d end up in Hell. She would always remind him of this whenever he cried during his punishments, telling him that whatever she did to him, would be ten times worse in Hell. 

“Do you want to go to Hell, Credence?” She’d say, head tilted with a gentle smile and empty eyes as she held his belt in her hands. “Because that’s where sinners go. And that’s where you’ll go if you don’t behave.” 

Credence’s form shook violently as he walked off the bus, not caring to check where he was. Wherever he was, it certainly was no garden of Eden. The streets were lined with strip clubs and sleazy bars. Hookers and dealers stood on every corner, asking the reserved Credence if he was “looking for a good time”. He began to think he should have never left his apartment or his job, he should have stayed put with Jacob and Miss Tina. Heck, even his old biology teacher, who he now knew as Newt, checked up on him regularly. 

But he couldn’t stay there. 

As much as he appreciated their support, he knew he was just a waste of space. A hassle and annoyance they’d be better off without.  
Credence found a motel not far down the street, though it was less than inviting. 

Lying down on the bed, Credence couldn’t help but count the number of stains around the room. The bed smelt like vomit, the toilet was clogged and dust coated every surface from the window sill to the duvet. 

All he heard the entire night was screaming and shouting, some right outside his door, others from the street below. Maybe this was how his neighbours felt whenever they had heard his Ma and sisters shouting. The uneasiness, constantly being on edge. It was surprising how Credence had actually managed to fall asleep that night. But when the sun finally rose that morning and Credence opened his eyes it occurred to him that he wouldn’t be able to afford to stay another night at this shit hole without earning some kind of money. 

But with no resume or home, what could he do?  
He ended up sleeping on the streets for a few nights after that, in the cold dark doorways of abandoned shops or back alleyways. Begging during the day and hiding at night, trying his best to avoid any confrontation that came his direction. 

It happened one evening when a blonde, pastey man came towards him, dressed in a tailored suit and shiny shoes, just as he was about to go find somewhere to sleep that night. He had crouched down to Credence’s eye level and offered his hand in a manner of greeting, introducing himself as “Gellert Grindelwald”. 

When Credence remained silent, his eyes focused else where and fingers nervously fiddling with his dirty sweater, Grindelwald continued; telling Credence how beautiful he was and that such a beautiful creature shouldn’t be living on the streets. 

“You might get hurt.” He said in a caring tone, though his mismatched eyes remained cold and calculating, reminiscent of a shark circling his prey. “Why don’t you come with me? You can work for me if you want, I’ll pay you well... give you somewhere to live... food to eat... would you like that?”

Credence blinked at the offer. Why was this man, obviously a very successful man, offering him a job? He was practically “scum of the earth”, a homeless freak who was in no way “beautiful”, yet this man was offering him shelter and work. There had to be a catch somehow, the offer was just too good to be true. There was no way that this person, this sharply dressed, rich bloke, thought HE was valuable. 

What value could Credence ever be to him?

There just had to be a catch.

But Credence agreed. 

He just.... he couldn’t stay on the streets any longer. He just couldn’t. 

Without even asking what the job was he agreed, taking Mr Grindelwald‘s outstretched hand and letting him lead him to a small bar around the corner. 

The bar looked normal enough, a bit run down but nothing a new coat of paint couldn’t fix. He vaguely remembered seeing a red lantern outside the front door but he had already been taken inside before he could confirm it. 

The inside was dark, walls painted red with booths and a stage in the back lined with stripper poles and neon lights. A few women sat at booths, smoking cigarettes or drinking alcoholic beverages, dressed in sweatshirts or hoodies over brightly coloured mini skirts or panties and fishnets. Their makeup and hair was half done and instead of wearing the gigantic heels, Credence was sure they would eventually change into, they all wore slippers or sneakers. 

Credence felt his gut twist uneasily, the voice at the back of his head screaming at him to run. But Grindelwald had a firm grip on his wrist and despite opening his mouth to speak, Credence couldn’t make a sound. His throat became dry and his heart pounded so hard against his rib cage he was sure it would burst out of his chest within a second. 

All the ladies took note of his arrival, though the majority of them didn’t bat an eyelash, more interested in finishing their drinks than the slight boy Grindelwald had just dragged in. 

But one lady was. 

A young Asian girl, stared wide eyed over towards him and Credence, returned the expression. They had never met before, but in that moment, Credence was sure she had read his mind.

She bit her bottom lip nervously seemingly trying to decide what to do, but as soon as she noticed Grindelwald had caught her anxious stares she tensed instantly and tore her gaze away.  
Grindelwald only grinned towards her, before mockingly calling her out with a sinisterly calm, “Nagini, shouldn’t you be preparing for your performance?” 

‘Nagini’ only nodded in response, gazing once more at Credence before hastily rushing back stage, throwing one more glance over her shoulder at the duo before disappearing behind the curtain. 

Grindelwald led Credence through a locked door to the side of the bar, leading him up a tight stairway and into a dark corridor. Credence thought the corridor had the same look and atmosphere of the motel he had recently stayed at. Sleazy and tacky with walls that seemed to hold every scar and memory of the occupants who’d been there.  
These walls knew more secrets than Credence had been whipped by his Ma, and he’d been whipped a lot. 

Grindelwald opened one of the doors along the corridor, ushering Credence into the small bedroom and switching on the light. The place reminded him of a jail cell, perhaps one similar to what his Ma had been placed in, with no windows and only a bed in the centre of the room. 

Although there was an ensuite, Credence couldn’t help but feel his heart sink at the state of the room. A single light bulb hung from ceiling and was the only source of light within the small, cramped space. The walls were stained with damp, dated cream wallpaper slipping off at the corners. The maroon carpet was stained also and it was clear that whoever once occupied the room had been a heavy smoker. 

Grindelwald ushered him into the bathroom to shower, telling him that he’d go fetch Credence some new clothes and food whilst he did so. 

Credence thought about making a run for it when Grindelwald left him to bathe, but his whole body felt rigid and he doubted he could make it to the exit before the older man caught him. 

This man wasn’t like Jacob, this place wasn’t the bakery.

This man was exactly like his Ma, this place was like his old home and he was sure if he disobeyed he’d be punished. 

So, in almost a trance like state, Credence did as he was told. 

He almost forgot his current situation as he stood washing himself in the shower, feeling the hot water soothe his skin and rinse away the dirt and grime that’d resided on his body from sleeping on the streets. The shampoo was lathered into his short hair, still styled in the unattractive bowl cut his mother had always made him wear, and watched in satisfaction as the body wash foamed and slipped onto the floor of the shower, sliding down the drain. 

He sighed in contentment, the warmth of the water soothing every aching, tense muscle in his body and lulling him into relaxation. 

The knock on the bathroom door jolted him back to reality, Grindelwald’s voice calling out to him and Credence quickly fumbled to turn the shower off. He didn’t want the other man to get angry with him because he was spending too long in the shower. 

After drying his body, with a slightly dirty towel, before wrapping it around his waist and shuffling back out into the bedroom. He tried not to shiver in disgust as he saw the others mismatched eyes trail up and down his exposed body, looking down at his feet to avoid meeting those invasive eyes.  
Grindelwald snickered at the others timidity, handing Credence some fresh smelling clothes and telling him to change. At least the man had the curtesy to look away as Credence stuffed his skinny limbs into the tight blue jeans, white shirt and sneakers (not how he’d usually choose to dress but beggars can’t be choosers). 

It was then that Grindelwald served him a full stake dinner and passed him a glass of water. Well that was one difference the pale man had to his mother, as she would never have fed him such a luxurious meal. Having practically been starved, whilst out on the streets, Credence threw his manners out the window to shovel the meal down his throat, fearful that if he didn’t eat fast enough it would be taken from him. 

Grindelwald only chuckled at his eagerness, handing Credence the glass of water and taking his plate from him once he had finished, the younger whispering a small “thank you” at the action.

“I never asked your name,” Grindelwald said, watching as Credence sipped on his water. “Would you mind telling me, my boy?” 

Credence gulped down a few more sips of water, noting it’s strange flavour yet continued to drink it as to not be rude, before he softly told him. 

“What?” Grindelwald scoffed. “‘Credence’? What kind of name is that?” 

Credence attempted not to cringe as the man mocked about his name, sure he knew his name wasn’t exactly ‘ordinary’ but he’d never been ashamed of it or embarrassed. Though the way Grindelwald spat it out like it was some sort of disgusting, mouldy food made Credence want to shrink and disappear in shame. 

“Well luckily your first client won’t care to ask your name, but in future we’ll have to change it to something less...” the older man wavered slightly, tutting his tongue in thought. “...chaste.” 

It was around this point that Credence felt his eyelids become heavy, the world blurring around him as he suddenly felt unable to keep himself upright. He vaguely recalled Grindelwald laughing as Credence dropped the, now empty, glass of water onto the floor, reaching up to rub his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. 

Credence couldn’t remember exactly the events that took place after that, as though someone had deleted and rearranged his memories of that night, but he later found himself sitting on the lap of a rather plump, middle aged man clad in a smart, though rather tight, suit in one of the booths of the club surrounded by other men also dressed in similar fashion. They were all laughing, though Credence could barely hear them over the pounding music of the club, his head spinning as the stench of alcohol and sweat hit his nostrils. Turning his head to the left he saw Grindelwald sat besides the man he was currently sat on, smirking at Credence knowingly. 

He seemed to blank again as he suddenly found himself lying on the table in the centre of the booth, with all the men surrounding and hovering around him, still laughing. The man, he had been sat on, was suddenly leaning down over him, grinning sickly at Credence as his fat hands began to undress him. 

It was a strange feeling, he felt so aware of what was happening to him yet he felt paralysed to stop it, as though this was all just a dream that he’d eventually wake up from. He didn’t even try to fight against the invasive hands that groped and undressed his body, certain that this was all just a dream and that whatever happened to him in that moment wouldn’t hurt him as it wasn’t real. 

“Excuse me gentlemen.” 

That deep voice cut through Credence’s hazy reality like a knife, and his vision began to focus on the new figure above him. The fat man seemed to stop his assault and was now leaning back on his seat, sneering at the stranger who had just wandered into the picture. 

“I hope you have a warrant to be here Officer.” Credence heard Grindelwald say. 

“I’m actually off duty tonight, sir.” The stranger said confidently, Credence frowned slightly as he felt he recognised that calm voice. “Just thought I’d drop in, grab a drink... and chauffeur that young man back to his family who asked me to come and get him.”

So did that mean the stranger was one of these men’s chauffeurs? 

“I can assure you, officer, this young man is my nephew.” He heard Grindelwald say, the other men in the booth murmuring in agreement. “You must be mistaking him for someone else.” 

“There’s no point in lying, sir.” The stranger chuckled. “I know who that boy is and he’s coming with me. If not I’ll just return here tomorrow with a search warrant and I know full well this business you run here is anything but clean. Do you want to risk all that for a runaway?” 

Grindelwald was silent.

“Didn’t think so.” It was then that the stranger leant down and Credence felt himself being lifted into strong arms. Still hazy, however, he couldn’t quite see at this angle who the man was though Credence felt a familiarity about him that comforted Credence to the point where he allowed himself to close his eyes and rest his head against the broad chest he was pressed against. 

“Credence?” 

Credence’s eyes snapped open at the call of his name, reality slapping him hard in the face as he came to. He was in the passenger seat of a parked car, the windows fogged up and the only source of light coming from the streetlights outside. The air-con in the car was on and he appeared to be wrapped up in a long grey coat that was acting as a blanket over his shivering body. 

What had happened to him?

Why did he feel so sickly? 

He could feel the sweat dripping down his back and his head was throbbing in pain. Suddenly it all came flooding back. The men touching him, the nightclub, Grindelwald.....

It had all been real.

He felt disgusting. 

Was he molested? 

And by men....

He was going to Hell.

He’d allowed men to TOUCH him in such a way.

He was disgusting!

“Credence.... shhh... it’s ok...” 

Credence hadn’t even realised he was crying till he released an ugly sob, snorting as his breathing suddenly became strained. His heart beating rapidly and his crying becoming uncontrollable as he grasped at his hair and continued his nervous breakdown. He hadn’t even realised the person in the drivers seat had gotten out of the car and had opened the door on his side of the vehicle till he felt himself tugged into a tight hug, the stranger rubbing the back of his neck and hushing calming words into his ear.

“Credence it’s ok... you’re safe now....you’re safe....”

“I-I’m sorry!” Credence sobbed. “It’s all my fault! It’s all my fault!”

“No, baby...” The stranger whispered, holding him tighter. “Sweetheart, it’s not your fault... none of this is your fault...”

“It is! It is my fault! I’m so sorry! I’m so SO sorry, Ma!” 

They both froze upon hearing what Credence had just said. Slowly the stranger pulled away, his hand still remaining on the back of Credence’s neck, tilting the crying boys face up to meet his own and Credence felt his mouth drop as he found himself looking into the eyes of Officer Graves.

“O-fficer Graves?” Credence gasped out, watching as the other man gave him a sad smile. “Why are you-? How-?”

“Miss Goldstein contacted me after you disappeared.” He explained. “I managed to track you here but I couldn’t find your whereabouts. I’ve been handing out your missing person flyers all week and thankfully one of the strippers at that bar you were in recognised you and gave me a call.”

Credence frowned, vaguely remembering the girl who he’d made eye contact with at the bar; Nagini. 

“I’m glad I found you when I did...” Officer Graves sighed. “Though you’ve been quite heavily drugged so I’m gonna take you to the hospital to get checked out.” 

“D-did they-?” Credence choked out, eyes welling up once more. “D-did they r-ra-rape-?”

“No. No they didn’t.” Officer Graves reassured, placing his hand on Credence’s cheek and staring intently into his eyes. “You’re ok. I promise you, you’re safe. I’m going to take you to the hospital though just in case, ok? You’re distressed and still mildly drugged, I wanna make sure you’re completely fine before I let you return home, alright?”

Credence nodded, though he felt as though his whole world was crumbling around him. All he could continue to say was that he was ‘sorry’ and allowed himself to continue his pitiful sobs as Officer Graves shut his car down and returned to the driving seat. 

The last time he’d seen Officer Graves had been during his mother’s trial years ago. The kind policeman had remained by his side the entire time, sitting with him during interviews with lawyers and constantly visiting him whilst he had been in hospital, healing from his mothers abuse. Their final meeting was just before Miss Tina had taken him to his first foster family.

The older man had shaken his hand and told him to “stay safe and out of trouble”, winking at the younger boy with a soft smile before helping him into Tina’s car along with Credence’s sisters. 

Credence had regretted that after all the officer had done for him, he hadn’t been able to build up the courage to say ‘thank you’. In fact, throughout their time together, Credence had barely said anything to the kind Officer Graves, only a few yes’s and no’s whilst the older man would sit and talk about whatever was going on in his life, often bringing in books and DVDs for Credence to borrow whilst he was recovering in his hospital bed. 

Officer Graves parting words only seemed to haunt him now.

“Stay safe and out of trouble.”

He knew the older man had only said “stay out of trouble” as a joke, but now it was taunting him. 

“Stay out of trouble.”

“STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.”

He hadn’t done that though. He’d fallen straight into trouble.

He was such a failure. A waste of space. A liability.  
Officer Graves must hate him. He’d let him down.  
Officer Graves hated him.

The car stopped at a red light and Credence felt his body move as though it was on auto pilot, swinging open the car door and booking it down the street. There was a bridge not far down the road and before Credence could blink he found himself climbing over the railing of the bridge, eyes focused completely on the river running below. He was barely one leg over the railing before he suddenly felt himself wrenched back over and tackled to the ground. All he could do was scream and kick at whoever had hold of him till they had him face down on the pavement. 

“Ambulance-! Yea I need an ambulance! A young man has just attempted to take his own life-“ Officer Graves rasped out, holding Credence firmly against the ground as he panted down the phone.

“LET ME GO! PLEASE! YOU HAVE TO LET ME GO!” Credence screamed, desperately trying to roll out of Officer Grave’s grip. “Please! You have to! You have to....!”

“I’m not letting you go, Credence.” 

“I can’t go on like this! I’m such a failure! I’m so stupid! So so stupid! Everyone hates me!”

“No they don’t, Credence.”

“YES THEY DO! EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY HATES ME-“

SLAP.

Credence had barely realised what had happened till he felt his cheek begin to sting finding himself staring in Officer Graves furious eyes. The older man had rolled Credence over and was lifting his lithe torso off the ground by the front of his shirt so that their faces were only inches away from one another. 

“Why do you think I’m here?” Graves hissed. “Missing person cases aren’t usually my forte, Credence, yet I’ve taken a week off work to track you all the way to this shit hole of a town, handed out flyers with your face and my phone number on them, just to find YOU. Tina, Newt, Queenie, Jacob- Hell! Even your sisters are worried sick about you! When Modesty was told about your disappearance she cried for hours!” 

Credence blinked. His sisters? 

“I know that’s not a stadium of people but it’s something!” Graves said breathlessly. “We don’t know how to help you, Credence, but, God, do we want to! Because we care about you!”

He slowly loosened his grip on the younger boys shirt. “Out of all the cases I’ve dealt with Credence your the one I think back to the most. What that woman- that bitch- did to you, it broke my heart. I’ve seen some horrible shit, but seeing you, so terrified, so apologetic, so scarred and hurt... I want to help you, Credence, because you deserve to be happy... you really do.” 

Credence gaped at the Officer in shock, unsure what to say. His mind screamed at him that Officer Graves was lying, that this was all bullshit and that he’d only saved him because it was his duty as a policeman. But if he wasn’t lying... was all that true?

Were Tina, Newt, Queenie and Jacob really looking for him? Did his sisters actually care? Had Officer Graves really taken a week off work just for his benefit? 

“Officer-“ Credence started, tears still streaming from his eyes, only to stop as an ambulance suddenly pulled up to the curb and paramedics rushed to his aid.

Before he’d even blinked he found himself on a stretcher and being stuffed into the back of the ambulance, Officer Graves explaining the situation to one of the medics. 

Graves then attempted to climb into the ambulance only to be stopped. “I’m sorry, sir, we only allow family to travel with the patient in the ambulance. Are you his father?”

Credence saw Graves raise his eyebrow at the short paramedic. “No I’m a friend.”

The paramedic shrugged. “I’m afraid you’re gonna have to just follow us to the hospital in your car then, sir.” 

Credence started to panic as he suddenly realised he was about to be separated from Officer Graves and be all alone, once again, with strangers. “N-No!” He choked out. 

All eyes turned to Credence, the young man now sitting upright on the stretcher and trembling. “I-I need him with me! Please let him stay with me!”  
The medics looked at one another, unsure of what to do. 

Graves scoffed. “You’re seriously gonna say no to such a request?” Pushing past the reluctant medics and climbing into the back of the ambulance to sit besides Credence, taking the lithe hand into his own and offered a comforting smile to the younger man who clutched Graves larger hand anxiously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not from America (which is where the story is set) which means I’m not familiar on how mental health or the care system works. I’m going by what I know about the UK health service which I know is very different but let’s face it, mental health and the care system isn’t always handled the best :/ I was under the NHS mental health service where, although they did their very best for me, eventually going private was the best choice for me. Not everyone can afford private tho which is why I consider myself very privileged and lucky. That being said I eventually felt well enough to leave therapy. Upon turning 18 I was placed under the adult mental health team (so that my medication can be monitored) and... that was it. I haven’t heard from them since, I’ve been back and forth between the GP and the Mental health team because neither of them want to take responsibility for the handling of my medication that I’ve been on since I was 15. I’m lucky that I no longer struggle with my mental health to the point where I’m in therapy every week, but others aren’t as lucky.   
Like myself, Credence will be ok in the end.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning!!!! Suicide, self harm and abuse references!!!

Graves had never felt so disgusted in his entire life after having spoken to the crisis team. 

“Credence isn’t bad enough.” Is what they were basically saying. Kid had suffered intense physical and emotional abuse from the hands of the woman he called mother, abuse that still effected him today. He was anti social, depressed and anxious, had ran away to live on the streets, almost been forced into prostitution and had just attempted suicide- yet apparently wasn’t ‘bad’ enough to be treated in an institution. 

“He has a job!”, “he’s got friends and family that care about him!”, “he’s only attempted suicide ONCE, and you managed to talk him out of it!”- ‘talk’? ‘Talk him out of it’? Clearly they had no idea that talking and tackling were two very different things. 

It made Graves sick to the stomach that these people were insisting that because Credence had some positives in his life that he was functioning just fine, when he wasn’t. He was struggling immensely. He didn’t know how to cope, he was lonely, scared and wasn’t confident enough to reach out to others for help. 

When they even refused to offer Credence treatment through a psychiatrist, Graves made up his mind that HE would help the boy. 

Tina had tried to argue that Credence might not be comfortable living with him, as he was technically a stranger, though he didn’t hear her offering Credence a place to live. It wouldn’t matter if she had offered, Graves was taking Credence to live with him.

He didn’t know why he’d become so transfixed with the boy but, no matter how many years had passed, Credence had always remained on his mind. Graves still remembered the first time he’d met the boy; he’d been called to inspect the Barebone property due to a noise complaint.

The first thing he noted was how rough the house was, even in such a run down area, that house was the worst looking out of a bad bunch. He listened for a moment, but heard no disturbance from the property. Perhaps it had been a prank call? 

With an annoyed sigh he trudged up the steps to the front door and gave it a firm knock, calling out that he was a policeman to the occupants inside to hurry them along. 

From his provisional vision he saw a middle aged lady step out of the neighbouring house, leaning against the fence in nothing but a dressing gown and towel around her damp hair as she smoked a fag between her cat assed winkled lips. She eyed Graves like a bird of prey, her arms crossed over her chest and eyes narrowed. 

Graves looked her way slightly and was surprised to see a young man with an older lady had also joined her in the staring. The boy was probably early twenties and looked to be extremely fit. Tall, well built, Graves was on the verge of asking if he fancied joining the force. They could use some young blood, the police force seemingly full of men on the edge of 60 with cholesterol that was “through the roof”. 

Besides him was an elderly woman Graves suspected of being either the young man’s mother or grandmother. She clutched onto her walker as she fixed her gaze on Graves, silver streaked afro blowing lightly in wind as she came to stand besides the other woman. 

Eventually the door to the Barebone house opened just a crack and Graves plastered on his best fake smile, preparing his automatic formalities as he turned to greet the occupants of the house. 

His voice caught in his throat however as he came face to face with the most beautiful young man he’d ever laid eyes on-

No.

The boy wasn’t beautiful.

On the outside the boy had soft brown eyes, creamy skin stretched over sharp, angular cheek bones and the most luscious, plump, pink lips he had ever thought possible. He was beautiful... on the outside only.

Graves knew as soon as he laid eyes on the boy that something was very, very wrong. Behind those gentle brown eyes was nothing but fear. The boy was trembling, hiding behind the door with only his face visible. As soon as the young man saw Graves, he quickly averted his gaze, mumbling a quiet “how can I help you sir?”.

Graves quickly came back to reality, his smile more genuine now to try and relax the young man cowering behind the front door, as he started to explain why he was checking in. It was then that the young man was pushed aside and a woman came to stand in the doorway, hair cut as bluntly as the young man’s yet face as hard as stone, even though it was carved into a sickening sweet smile. 

Mary-Lou Barebone, the foster mother of the boy and two young girls (Modesty, Chasity and Credence), explained how “dear little Modesty had just a small tantrum over the fact she wasn’t allowed ice cream for supper”. Stepping aside she allowed Modesty to come into view, the little girl smiling as she recited her mother’s story word for word. 

“We’re very sorry for causing trouble, Officer.” Ms Barebone cooed, giving Graves an apologetic look. “Though I’m thankful our neighbours are looking out for us.”

“Not at all, mam,” Graves nodded, with a charming smile. “Just glad to know all’s in order.”   
His eyes drifted back to Credence, picture of anxiety and fear stirred all into one as he hid behind the door. 

There was something very wrong here, but the boy wasn’t going to say anything to Graves about it in front of his mother. 

So, he took out a small card with his personal work number on it and handed it straight to Credence. Stating firmly that if there was ever an issue, “anything at all” he said with careful exaggeration, that they (specifically Credence) could call him. 

Credence grasped the card with shaky hands, eyes fixed to the ground and shoulders pulled to his ear lobes. His mother quickly snatched it from him, smiling at Graves with a thanks for his consideration before closing the door.

Getting back into his car, Graves had only just managed to put his seatbelt on before there was a knock at the window. All three of the nosey neighbours stood besides his car, the middle aged woman indicating for him to roll down the window.   
“She beats those kids,” the woman scoffed, voice raspy from decades of hard smoking. “All three of them. The boy especially.”

Graves sighed, shrugging with an exclamation that all seemed to be in order. 

“You gotta be blind to not see it.” The male scoffed. “That boy’s terrified.”

“I’ve live next door to them for 25 years, Officer.” Stated the older woman. “I’ve seen that boy grow from when he was only four years old! Every year he becomes more reserved and anxious! He’s been wearing the same outfit everyday since he was 14!”

“I’m afraid that consistently wearing the same outfit each day isn’t a crime, mam.” Graves sighed. “But I hear you and you’re right, there’s definitely reason to be concerned.”

The middle aged woman barked out a spiteful laugh. “Sure as hell there’s reason to be concerned! That woman’s a bitch and one sandwich short of a picnic if you ask me! Whoever allowed her to adopt those kids is an idiot and should be held just as responsible as her!” 

“Have you ever seen her beat her kids?” Graves asked. 

All three of the neighbours grew silent, each biting the insides of their cheeks as it became clear that none of them had any evidence that Mary-Lou Barebone had laid a hand on her children.

“If none of you have witnessed her lay a hand on those children then I can’t-“

“But you said there was cause for concern right?” The Male spoke up. “Ms Barebone has a record! She’s not mentally fit to be a parent; she’s said more than a few racist remarks to me and my mother, calls Miss Collins here a slut whenever she sees her and is constantly being removed from places in town for slander! She’s a religious craze! Those kids aren’t safe with her-“

“If she has a record, sir, then I assume social services are already involved,” Graves explained calmly. “If they have deemed her safe to live with then there is little to nothing I can do unless one of the children speaks out or if you see actual violence/ abuse take place.”

“I’ll come and check up regularly on the Barebone residence so if I could ask for all of you to keep an eye out for any signs of abuse and call us again when you have another noise complaint you’d be doing us a great favour.” 

With that he drove away. 

And he’s always regretted that. 

He should have listened, he should have gone back to the house, asked more questions, called for a warrant to search the premise, informed a social worker- but he didn’t. 

Graves did return a month later, again due to another noise complaint. The scene played out pretty much the same, all three females in the house smiling falsely and denying of any wrongdoing and Credence hiding behind the door. Graves handed Credence another card, his mother snatched it out his grasp and then Graves would leave.

There was still no proof of Ms Barebone abusing her children, she did have a criminal record and social services were involved but the social worker (Little Miss useless Dolores Umbridge) insisted that Mary-Lou Barebone was a ‘model parent and devoted mother’. But Graves friend, who had worked alongside Umbridge, wasn’t convinced.

“My boyfriend is the boy’s biology teacher.” Tina told him one evening, Graves having asked her what she knew about the Barebones. “He always hands his work or arrives to class late, sometimes falls asleep during lesson and can’t seem to hold a pen for more than a minute without having to stop writing.”

She shook her head, obviously distressed. “Newt says he’s seen cuts and welts all over the boy’s palms, blood seeping through the back of his shirt and he’s becoming thinner and thinner....” 

Tina groaned, hands moving to rub down her face, it was clear the entire Barebone situation had worn on her nerves. “Oh Percy! It’s so obvious there’s something wrong but I’ve no idea what to do! Miss Umbridge is their social worker, I can’t just interfere-!”

“But Newt can.” 

Tina blinked. “What-?”

“Get Newt to file a report.” Graves shrugged, trying to ignore the fact she’d just called him ‘Percy’ (such an annoying nickname he highly despised). “He could recommend you and me to come along to the meeting, we could confront Credence without his mother. Ask him about the scars-“

“It’s not as simple as that!” Tina cried. “If Newt files a report, it won’t be us who respond to it- it could be any number of policemen or social workers! They might not take it as seriously as us-!”

“I know the principal,” Graves smirked. “Went to school with her; we could set it up, all four of us! Confront the boy-!”

Tina had laughed in his face, believing that there was no way they would go through with this plan. However, a week later Newt had called Tina to come to the school. 

“That student I was telling you about,” he explained. “Me and Ms Picquery are planning to call him in to have a meeting this morning and she wants you to come along. Percival is coming as well.”

It all came out after that.

Miss Umbridge resigned after it had become clear that her investigation lacked ‘significant information’. Credence and his sisters were placed in foster care and Mary-Lou Barebone was sentenced to life. 

Graves remembered visiting the boy at the hospital; he looked haunted. Other than a few ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’s’, Credence said nothing. He never looked Graves in the eye or smiled. 

Credence was nothing more than an empty shell.  
What had that woman done to him?

The first few weeks of Credence and Graves living together was spent incredibly awkwardly. Graves tried to make Credence as comfortable as possible but the young man refused to leave the room Graves had leant him. Often Graves would try to coax him out of the room but to no avail. It was clear Credence was terrified to do anything of his own accord, agreeing with whatever Graves suggested they do. 

Upon the end of the third month, Graves decided something had to be done. Newt had told him of a private therapist that may be able to help and Graves called her as soon Newt gave him the number. 

Dr Leta Lestrange worked wonders on Credence. Graves saw him change almost instantly; he walked straighter (though still couldn’t make eye contact), began to make small talk (VERY small talk, but it was a start) and even let out a slight laugh one day. 

Graves was driving Credence to his job (Jacob and Queenie more than happy to have their sweet employee back) when another car pulled out in front of him. 

“Bastard thinks he owns the road!” Scoffed Graves with a shake of his head, thankful his dash cam was on to file a report against the driver. “When all he owns is a crappy Audi.”

“Heh...”

It was just a small noise, almost inaudible against the groan of the car engine. 

But Graves heard it.

And upon glancing over, he saw the slightest hint of a smile upon Credence’s lips. Just a slight upwards twitch of the corner of his mouth.

But there was no denying it. 

Credence was smiling.

Graves almost ran a red light due to staring so much. He just couldn’t help it, seeing Credence finally, FINALLY, smile made Graves heart swoon.   
Things picked up after that, Credence began to ask for things, nothing major, just small requests and Graves was more than happy to give him whatever he desired. They were never big asks; “can I have a glass of water please, Mr Graves?”, “Would it be ok if I watched one of your DVDs, Mr Graves?”, “Do you mind if I take a shower, Mr Graves?”. 

And Graves never denied him any of it. 

Because he wanted Credence to be happy. 

He’d heard the comments made by the few people who knew them and their situation, about how Credence didn’t need a ‘boyfriend’ or to be forced into a relationship just because Graves was providing for him. But that had been the last thing on Graves mind. 

Credence needed a guardian, someone or somewhere he knew he was safe, a home, protection, not a lover. 

That didn’t mean Graves didn’t have feelings for the sweet boy- young man. 

Credence wasn’t a child anymore- though he’d never gotten much of a childhood, at least not one he deserved.

But that didn’t mean that Credence couldn’t have a happy adulthood.

And Graves would do everything in his power to give it to him.

Eventually Graves started to spoil Credence; buying him new clothes, shoes, toiletries, skin care, Graves even went as far as buying Credence his antidepressants as well as paying for his therapy. Credence was always grateful, insisting that once he had the money he’d pay him back but Graves would always wave him off and tell him that there was no need. 

One item that Graves had bought him was a little journal that he’d often spy the young man scribbling in. Graves had never seen what was in that journal, he had always been curious about the contents of Credence’s secret journal but he knew better than to look in it. It was obviously private and Graves didn’t want to invade. 

But one evening, Graves had ventured into Credence’s bedroom, a pile of the boy’s clean clothes in his arms. As he placed the pile on Credence’s bed he noticed that little journal on the bedside table, wide open.

Before Graves really knew what he was doing, he had the journal in his hands and was rapidly flipping through the pages. 

He was horrified by what he saw. 

The entire journal was full of disturbing drawings of a dead person (who Graves identified as Credence himself). Sometimes the person would have slit wrists or a sliced up throat. Other times the person had shot themselves in the head. 

A few pages were just violent scribbles, drawn so roughly that the page had torn. There was text as well, but Graves could only bring himself to read a few lines before he had to stop. All it said was things like “cut cut cut!” Or “I’m so fucking stupid I should just die!”. None of it very imaginative but the sheer rawness of it made Graves heart drop. 

Did Credence really want to kill himself that much? 

Was he self harming?

Was Credence safe here with him?

Should he contact Leta?

Maybe Tina?

Should he take Credence to the hospital-

“Mr Graves?”

Percival looked up towards the doorway where Credence now stood. The boy was wide eyed and tearful, clearly distraught about Graves seeing the contents of his journal. 

Graves looked down at the journal still in his hands, realising his big mistake. “Credence-“

“I’m so sorry Mr Graves!” The boy burst into tears, rushing forwards to take the journal, holding it to his chest like his life depended on it. “I can go if you want! I don’t mind! If you don’t want me here, I can go-!” 

“Credence-“

“I’ll get rid of the journal! I’ll bin it! I’ll burn it even!”

“Credence-“

“They’re just drawings! Im not a psychopath, I promise! I wouldn’t hurt anyone! I didn’t want you to see-!”

“Credence.”

Credence stopped rambling, looking up with confused, teary eyes at Graves firm tone. 

Gently, Graves gathered the boy into his arms, tucking the his head in the crook of his neck as he held him. “It’s ok.” 

“But-!”

Graves hushed Credence, bringing a hand up to stroke his head. “I’m sorry I looked. It’s not right for me to go through your personal belongings without your permission. Can you forgive me?”

Credence audibly gasped, obviously shocked that Graves was apologising to him! He’d clearly thought he was the one who owed the apology, having drawn such vile imagery. 

“Can you forgive me, Credence?” 

Credence choked on a sob. “I’m the one who should be apologising Mr Graves...”

“How many times have I told you to call me Percival? And you’ve done nothing wrong, sweetheart, I shouldn’t have looked without your permission.” Graves said, arranging them so that their foreheads were touching and they were looking each other in the eye, remembering fondly how he’d asked Credence to call him Percival, instead of Officer Graves, the other only managing to call him Mr Graves. “Can you forgive me, Credence?”

He watched as Credence blinked in obvious confusion and Graves suspected the boy must think he was playing a horrible trick on him. Graves hated to call anyone ‘damaged’, having always felt the word degrading, especially to abuse victims. But in that moment, he didn’t know how else to describe Credence. To say the other was ‘healing’ still implied that Credence was broken. Saying he was mentally ill was just a nicer phrase to call him crazy. 

The only way Graves could describe Credence was that the boy was in a fragile state and even that sounded condescending. 

Credence wasn’t weak- he was just.... Credence was scared. 

He just needed help- 

Graves didn’t even have time to blink before he felt the others lips upon his own, crushing them together in what Graves could only imagine was supposed to be a kiss. 

Credence (sweet, dear, young Credence), was kissing him.

Or at least attempting to. 

And without thinking twice, Graves grasped the boy by his upper arms and pushed him away, breaking the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!!! XD  
Sorry for the cliffhanger!!! Originally I had planned for this to be the last chapter....like it would show Graves and Credence being all domestic and falling in love with one another..... but it just didn’t feel... right 😬 like I know it’s just a fan fiction but I started thinking was that this doesn’t feel realistic :/ like why would they suddenly just fall in love after finding a disturbing sketchbook? Why would a kiss suddenly cure all of Credences problems? In one way I really wanted to just end the story with them kissing and being like “oh it’s all rainbows and butterflies now~!” But again... didn’t feel right... soooo this story is ongoing~! Oh God I’ve ended up with another work that needs completion!!! XD


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Trigger Warning! (I’m sorry DX)

He held the blade to the inside of his wrist, the edge pressing into his skin though it wasn’t sharp enough to break it. 

Credence closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as his mind willed for him to slide the blade quickly across the surface.

He’d seen people do this on the tv, heard about it on the internet, there was even a girl who worked down at the local supermarket who did it.

So why couldn’t he do it?

He hated himself, he hated himself! So why couldn’t he punish himself like Ma had once did? Why was he so afraid it would hurt? Why was he scared about seeing his own blood? His Ma’s beatings would hurt far more than what he was about to do....so why couldn’t he do it?

Releasing the breathe, Credence quickly dragged the blade across his skin till it was officially off his arm before opening his eyes to inspect the cut.  
Only there was no cut.

There wasn’t even one spect of blood. 

Only a faint red line where the blade had irritated his skin.

Credence released a shaky breath, tears now freely streaming down his cheeks as he realised how useless he really was. 

He couldn’t even cut himself.

Tossing the blade across the bathroom floor he curled up from where he leant against the bath, arms wrapped around his legs and face buried into his knees as he allowed himself to silently cry.

He just wanted to disappear.

Vanish from this world and leave everything behind. 

And death seemed like the only way out.  
But Dr Leta’s words were haunting him still; “suicide is a permanent solution to a fixable problem.” 

Could he be fixed though?

Would life really get better?

Because all it seemed to be doing was getting worse and worse and worse... Mr Graves- Officer Graves..... Officer Graves hated him. First the journal and now- now he knew Credence’s most suppressed secret.

He was a ‘bum boy’.

...at least that’s what his Ma had called it.

Men who lust for other men.

“It’s a sin.” Ma said gently, as she explained why those two men were holding hands in the park to Modesty. “A man should only ever be with a woman, just as a woman should be with a man. It’s unnatural for two people of the same gender to lie with one another.”

Credence still remembered his Ma’s sweet smile as she told Modesty that those two men would be going to Hell. 

He remembered those two men as well and how strange they made him feel. 

He felt....disgusted. 

Disgusted when he saw them kiss.

Disgusted when he saw them smile at each other.

Disgusted when he saw them walk away together.

And disgusted... because he wanted to do exactly what they were doing.

With another man to be exact.

Sex education always made him uncomfortable in class, his fellow peers always teasing him when he’d excuse himself from the lesson. “Looks like Barebone’s got himself a boner!”

What was a boner?

Even with a slip from his Ma (Ms Barebone throughly appalled by the fact that any of her children be learning about SEX), the teachers insisted that Credence go to the library to learn about puberty and what he will eventually experience. He was grateful that his teachers allowed him to learn about such things independently but he was still confused. 

In the books it said that sex was an important part of every relationship, but how was that possible for two men? And two women? 

He learnt, that day, that you definitely couldn’t type in “two men having sex” on the internet and not receive an email from the IT department about how his search wasn’t suitable or appropriate to research on the school computers. 

He’d never logged off so fast in his life.

It was only until he’d lived on his own that he’d began to explore that part of the internet (though he was always wary of receiving that dreaded email again). There were pages of gay pornography, blogs on how to masturbate, homosexual dating websites, coming out stories, Pride month- but Credence did none of it. Even when he woke up with a raging “boner” (he finally knew what it meant) in the morning. He never touched himself. Not once. 

Instead he’d just take a cold shower and will it to go down.

“It’s a sin.”

“Bum boy!”

“Faggot!”

“It’s unnatural...”

“Men are supposed to be with women.”

“They’re going to Hell.”

Credence was going to Hell.

“Credence?”

Credence snapped out of his daze upon hearing a knock at the bathroom door, Officer Graves voice calling out his name with concern.

“Probably just worried about his bathroom...” Credence thought sadly. 

“Credence, are you alright?” Officer Graves asked again. “You’ve been in there for almost an hour now...”

“I-I’m fine!” Credence stuttered, staggering to his feet and wiping away his tears to hide the fact that he was yet again crying.

“Boys don’t cry.” His Ma’s voice taunted in the back of his mind, scolding him yet again for being so weak.

“Are you sure? Do you mind opening the door-“

“I was just about to take a shower, sir!” 

Because, yes, of course it had taken him almost an hour to undress and prepare to take a shower. Of course that was believable.

“I’m afraid I’m not decent...” Credence lied, trying to keep his voice steady.

Officer Graves was quiet for a moment, though to Credence it felt like a century. His mind racing in fear that Officer Graves would enter the bathroom and discover what he’d just tried to do.

Though he doubted the other would care. Officer Graves thought he was disgusting anyway.

“I needed to talk to you downstairs...” Officer Graves finally said, with a cough. “About your medication... Leta is worried that you’re on too high a dosage...or that it’s the wrong type of antidepressant....I was thinking we could discuss the alternatives? A lot of people are claiming that the medication has worsened their health and so they joined this nature protection course instead...it’s all very eco warrior I thought we could take a look?”

As Officer Graves continued to ramble on Credence did his best to hide the knife, placing it under the sink. “Em-yeah sure- I’ll be down in a bit....!”

“Yeah? Well ok, I’ll be in the living room...” He heard Officer Graves sigh outside the door. “Did you want anything to eat? You missed dinner again and I never saw you have any lunch or breakfast-“

“No it’s fine! I-I ate in my room...”

Liar. 

“Really?” Officer Graves didn’t sound convinced. “What did you eat? I didn’t even notice you’d come downstairs today...”

“Oh just some leftovers- nothing big...” LIAR. “I’ve not had much of an appetite these last few days...”

“Oh....is there a reason for that?”

YES.

“....N-no...”

Credence could see Officer Graves shadow shift under the crack of the bathroom door. “Ok...” he heard him mutter. “Well...I’m downstairs...”

Officer Graves shadow slowly vanished from beneath the crack under the door, leaving Credence once again alone in the bathroom. 

A part of him wished Officer Graves had come into the bathroom, seen the knife against his wrist and...and... saved him. 

Saved him from himself.

Wasn’t that what always happened in the stories?   
Wasn’t Officer Graves his saviour? He’d thought as much not long ago but now...now he wasn’t so sure. 

Because this wasn’t a film... Officer Graves didn’t have to save him. 

And it wasn’t fair that Credence wanted him to. 

It wasn’t realistic that Credence had expected that after he’d kissed Officer Graves that the other would fall in love with him and then everything would be well. That they’d ride into the sunset together, Credence’s past and baggage forgotten. All his issues would be fixed, he’d be taken off his medication, Dr Leta would smile and tell him he didn’t need her anymore, he’d become a social butterfly, be able to order for himself at a restaurant- but if life had taught him anything, it was that nothing was ever that easy. 

It was just a continuous path of agony and complication. Nothing was ever simple. No one was as nice as they seemed. 

Everyone was fake. 

And that terrified him. 

Because that meant he could trust no one.

“Credence.”

Credence didn’t even realise he was holding the knife again until Officer Graves’ voice brought him back to the present. He looked towards the door to see that shadow had reappeared again. 

“Did you take a knife from the kitchen?”

Credence felt himself freeze at the question.

“Do you have it in there with you right now?”

How did he know?

“Do you mind opening the door and returning it to the kitchen? I could really use it to chop some vegetables... I’m making stir fry.” 

How did he know?!

“I think it’s best if we kept the knives in the kitchen, don’t you?”

“How did you know....”

Officer Graves was silent for a few seconds and Credence couldn’t help but grip the handle of knife tighter, pressing the edge of the blade into his skin. 

“... I made a note of all the knives in the kitchen....” Officer Graves mumbled.

“Why....” 

“.....because I was worried that you’d....do something....”

Credence sucked a breath through his teeth. “Do you hate me....because I’m a...faggot?”

“What?” Officer Graves gasped from behind the door. “Credence you’re not a faggot-“

“But you didn’t like me kissing you-“

“Not because-“ he heard the man groan on the other side of the door, his shadow shifting closer. “Credence...I would prefer it if we could talk about this face to face-“

“You pushed me away and told me that you couldn’t ever love me...”

“I never said that, Credence. I told you that I couldn’t see you that way, I’m your guardian not your husband- it has nothing to do with the fact you’re a boy, it’s just- I don’t know if you really understand what you’re feeling!”

“....I feel disgusting....I feel as though you hate me....”

“I don’t hate you. I care about you dearly and I want to help get you to a place in your life where you feel good about yourself- where you forget about what your mother did to you and move on- I’m glad you feel as though you love me but-“

“I don’t love you!”

He didn’t understand what love was but Credence knew that he hadn’t kissed Officer Graves that day because of it. 

Officer Graves had been kind to him, had given him somewhere to live, fed him, clothed him, paid for his treatment. Maybe he’d kissed him out of thanks? Or perhaps he’d seen an opportunity to satisfy the long since suppressed sinful urges he’d had towards men and had thought that Officer Graves would allow him to do so.

So selfish.

Always so selfish.

“Credence.” Officer Graves Said more sternly. “Please open the door.”

Credence thought about praying, that’s what his Ma always made him do after she’d punished him. “Get on your knees and pray for forgiveness, Credence. If you love God and you’re truly sorry, he will forgive you.” 

But how could he love God? Ma worshipped God and she was unkind and unfair. How could he trust a God whose followers were exactly like her? 

“I...” Credence breathed, hand still clutching the knife. “I remember the day before you came to school...”

When he saw Officer Graves shadow shifted he continued. “I decided to tell Ma... I thought that if I confessed...if she saw how honest I was she’d go easier on me...” he gulped as he visualised the scene. “I got on my knees in front of her in the kitchen...told her I’d been having ‘impure’ thoughts...about men....”

Officer Graves shadow shifted again and Credence saw the door handle turn slightly, indicating the older man was testing to see if it was locked. “I told her I wanted to go to one of those camps I’d heard her talk about...those ones where you go to ‘pray the gay away’.” He laughed sadly. “She beat me. I expected her too but then she told me she’d help me...that she’d take me to one of those camps to cure me... she told me she didn’t always like me but she would always love me which was why she wanted to help me... she hugged me that night...smiled and said she was happy I told her and that I wanted to find God....”

Credence sniffled, the memory of his ma smiling genuinely at him still fresh in his mind. She said she loved him, she said she’d help him. “The next day I got her arrested. She offered her assistance to me and I betrayed her.” He started to sob loudly now. “It’s all I’ve ever thought about... seeing her mug shot on the news just hit me way harder than any time she had...I feel so guilty...because even though I knew she wasn’t a nice person....she was the only person I’d ever call my ma.” 

The doorknob turned and slowly the door was pushed open, Officer Graves no longer waiting for Credence’s permission to enter. Credence raised his head, staring up at Officer Graves with hopeless red eyes. The man was looking at the knife he was holding against his wrist, brows furrowed. 

“Credence... you’re scaring me....”

“I’m sorry....”

“Give me the knife, Credence.” Officer Graves whispered, holding out a steady hand. 

“I don’t think I want to-“

“Yes you do.” He said firmly. “Yes you do, sweetheart.”

The nickname warmed Credence’s heart slightly, yet the knife remained by his wrist, still not convinced that he didn’t want to do this.

“Please, Credence...” The older man was practically begging now. “It breaks my heart seeing you like this.... please give me the knife....”

Credence didn’t know if he could even hand the knife over, certain he was paralysed but as soon as Officer Graves hand came to softly rest upon his own (the older man still whispering for him to hand the knife over) he slowly released the blade, letting the handle fall into the man’s open palm. Before he knew it, he had been pulled to Officer Graves chest with his head resting upon his shoulder. 

Mr Graves hand had come to rest on the back of his neck, his deep voice hushing Credence as he sobbed. He’d placed the knife on the sink before leading Credence to his bedroom, sitting them both down on his bed. 

Credence blushed at the fact he was in the others bedroom, but made no objections to being there. After Credence had kissed Mr Graves he’d avoided contact with the other in embarrassment, being in the other man’s arms now made Credence realise just how much he’d missed him. With a deep sigh he allowed himself to relax, taking deep breathes through his nose and out his mouth like Dr Leta had shown him to do whenever he was stressed.

“The kiss...I didn’t hate you kissing me.” 

Credence looked up in confusion when Mr Graves suddenly spoke, his voice echoing through the silence. 

“I...I care deeply about you Credence...and if the circumstances were different maybe I’d....I’d pursue a more romantic relationship with you.” Mr Graves explained. “You’re very beautiful...you’re kind, clever, adorable....you’re just an overall stunning person... and it breaks my heart to see you so sad because I just want to make you happy. But in order for me to do that I need you to be vocal about what you want.”

Credence gulped. “But what if the circumstances don’t change...?”

“I’m not going to give up on you, Credence. Not until you’re happy...”

“What if I’m never happy though? Then we’ll....”

Mr Graves looked down towards him. “We’ll...?”

“....we’ll never be....” Credence frowned, unsure about what he wanted to say. He had said earlier that he hadn’t kissed Mr Graves out of love, at least that’s what he’d thought. Thinking back to that moment that he could now remember the emotions he’d felt towards the older man; the security, the fondness. Credence didn’t ever want to live alone again but he also didn’t want to live with anyone else other than Mr Graves. 

He often felt butterflies whenever Mr Graves would touch him, sometimes he’d crave it. There were nights where he’d dreamt about the other, only to wake up feeling guilty about having thought of Mr Graves in such a way. 

He was sure he had just felt lust towards Mr Graves but now....now...was it love he felt? 

Sensing the younger man’s discomfort, Mr Graves changed the subject, asking Credence about what he could do to improve their living situation. They spoke for awhile, Credence sharing his concerns and Mr Graves offering solutions. 

Credence hadn’t even realised he’d begun to doze off till Mr Graves arranged them to lie down in his bed, resting Credence’s head on his chest, the sound of the older man’s heart drawing him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will start to look up in the the next chapter I promise DX


	5. Chapter 5

When the opening scene of the film appeared on Credence’s laptop, he couldn’t help but release a quiet laugh to himself, only to quickly try and disguise it as a cough when the other passengers on the train turned to look, disapprovingly. 

He couldn’t help it though, the nostalgia hitting him full force as he fondly remembered being in a similar situation. The film he was watching was Lady Bird staring Saoirse Ronan; the opening scene depicted the main character lying in bed with her mother besides her. Both characters were fast asleep and looking completely at peace next to one another. 

It reminded him of all those nights he had spent sleeping with Mr Graves in the laters bed. How easy it had been to sleep next to the older man (even if Credence was fearful that he’d disturb the other with his snoring). Although he’d never struggled to sleep (often sleeping for long periods of time) he found that having someone to fall asleep/ wake up with much more comforting than sleeping alone. 

It had always embarrassed him when he’d wake up spooning the older man, but Mr Graves would just smile softly before giving his forehead a quick peck and telling him that he didn’t mind.

The past few weeks sleeping alone had been strange, especially when he’d wake up with Mr Graves not besides him, but it had to be done.   
Credence was returning to New York having just spent a few weeks with his sisters and their adopted family in Washington. He had to admit, it had been rather awkward at first. The family who adopted his sisters had refused to adopt him with them and, due to none of them being related by blood, it was a decision that their social workers had agreed to (especially since Credence didn’t want to ruin the chance for his sisters to have a normal life). 

Modesty and Chastity’s parents had been anxious to even allow Credence to see his sisters for an hour, let alone two weeks, and as soon as he’d appeared on their door step it was obvious that they were cautious about even letting him in. He didn’t blame them- well...- he understood their concerns; the last time he’d met them was when he was an antisocial and depressed teen who spent the majority of his time cooped up in his bedroom. 

He wasn’t that boy anymore.

Over the years, Credence had grown more independent. He could now leave the house on his own, order for himself, he’d learnt to drive. Answering the front door and the telephone was now a simple task. He wasn’t even phased by talking to strangers to the point where Jacob allowed him to serve customers at the bakery. Eye contact was still an issue, but the fact he was more confident and carefree was an incredible achievement.

And it was all thanks to Mr Graves. 

Needless to say, the two weeks spent with his sisters went exceptionally well. His sisters adopted parents started to treat him with more warmth and towards the end of his visit had even invited Credence to join them for thanksgiving and Christmas Day. 

“Christmas is the time to spend with the family!” They said with big gleaming smiles. Credence had smiled back and told them he’d think about it. They weren’t malicious people and they treated his sisters like their own, but Credence just couldn’t see them as HIS family. 

For starters, they had refused to take him in when he was at his lowest and, although things had worked out for the better, Credence couldn’t help but feel slight resentment towards the couple. It wasn’t their fault, they weren’t able to have children so naturally they wanted to adopt the perfect child and Credence, unlike his sisters at that point, just wasn’t perfect.

Arriving at Mr Graves home- their home- Credence wasn’t surprised to see the other not there, knowing that he would be working late today. Unpacking his bags, Credence put away his belongings before returning to the kitchen, deciding he would make dinner for them both. 

On the counter he had lay down the small potted house plant he’d bought as a gift for Mr Graves. He blushed at the thought of giving it to the older man as he prepared the meal, remembering how he’d asked Mr Graves before he’d left if now was a good time for them to become more. 

Mr Graves had smiled warmly, moving forward to cup the younger mans jaw before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Credence’s soft lips. Upon pulling away, Mr Graves had winked before telling Credence to have a safe journey and to call him when he arrived at his sisters. Credence could only nod, face flushed and breathless as he got on the train looking back at the platform to see Mr Graves waving goodbye to him. 

Warmth filled him at the sight and he quickly waved back, almost wishing he didn’t have to go so that he could jump off the train into the other man’s arms. 

The two weeks he’d spent with his sisters were mostly spent thinking of the older man. At night, after everyone had gone to bed, Credence would text Mr Graves; innocent conversations soon grew more heated. Mr Graves would often say how beautiful Credence was, how he missed the other besides him in bed, how he longed to hold him in his arms again. Credence would always respond how much he missed holding the other man’s coat sleeve as they walked around the city together (Credence never quite having the confidence to take his hand), how he missed the smell of Mr Graves cologne, how much he missed the others grounding touch (his hand on the back of his neck or on his knee).

They hadn’t discussed the possibility of sex but Credence still didn’t think he was ready for that. He still wasn’t sure what he was to Mr Graves and he didn’t feel it was his place to ask. Mr Graves was almost in his 40s where as he was just reaching mid 20s and although Credence didn’t think the age gap would affect them, he still felt embarrassed when he was mistaken for the older man’s son.

Mr Graves had only laughed when Credence had told him, joking that perhaps Credence should start calling him ‘daddy’. The statement was all in jest, but Credence couldn’t deny the taboo feelings of lust at the thought of the title. 

If this had been a porno, Credence might have fluttered his eyelashes and breathed huskily in Mr Graves ear. “Daddy...” 

But he didn’t.

It wasn’t appropriate.

Mr Graves wasn’t his father, though he would be lying if he hadn’t sometimes looked at the older man as a father figure. But Credence no longer wanted a parental figure, he wanted something more. 

“Credence?” 

Snapping out of his thoughts, Credence spun round to see Mr Graves stood in the doorway, still dressed in his cop uniform as he smiled towards the younger man in the kitchen. “I didn’t think you’d be back so early! You should have called, I would have come and picked you up.”

“Oh...” was all Credence could muster up to say. It had only been two weeks yet seeing the man after all this time was like seeing the man for the first time all over again. “Oh! No- sir! I didn’t want to disturb you whilst you were at work...”

“‘Sir’?” Mr Graves chuckled, placing his bag on the kitchen island before making his way towards Credence, cupping the others cheek gently. “How many times have I asked you to call me Percival, sweetheart?” 

Credence blushed and avoided eye contact. “I-I know...I’m sorry, Mr Grav- P-Percival....”

He heard Mr Graves breathe out a gentle laugh before the later leant forward and pressed a delicate kiss to his forehead. Credence allowed his eyes to slip closed as he basked in the small gesture, heart skipping a beat. “I missed you...” he whispered, unsure whether he had actually said it out loud as it was so quiet. 

“I missed you too, sweetheart...” Mr Graves said gently, wrapping his arms around Credence’s waist and pulling him closer. Tilting Credence’s head up by his chin, Mr Graves smiled down at him and Credence was certain his face was now bright red as he gazed up into the others eyes.   
Softly their lips were pressed together and Credence’s breath hitched at the sensation. It was a brief kiss, only a small peck, but it was enough to cause Credence’s heart to flutter. 

Mr Graves was still smiling down at him, eyes full of warmth. “Is now a good time to discuss our relationship?” 

Credence blinked, still dazed from their kiss before coming back to reality. “Oh!” He exclaimed in surprise. “Yeah- sure- ok we can- we can do that- sure-!” 

He blushed in embarrassment as he rambled on, internally screaming at himself for being so humiliating. 

The older man merely laughed, stroking a long strand of hair (Credence having finally grown out the blunt bowl cut his mother used to make him wear) behind the boy’s ear before pressing another kiss to his forehead. “Let’s finish making dinner first, ok?” 

“Ok...”

As they sat down to eat, Credence suddenly felt rather nervous at the thought they were about to have such an intimate conversation. He was scared that his feelings wouldn’t be returned, that Mr Graves would eventually grow tired of him and make him leave.

“So...” Mr Graves began, twisting his fork around in his spaghetti before taking a bite. “I suppose I want to ask what exactly you’re looking for... in... us?”

Taking a bite of his own food, Credence chewed slightly longer than he should before swallowing. There was still a hard lump lodged in his throat and no matter how much he drank from his glass of water, it didn’t seem to budge. “Em...I guess...” He choked slightly. “I guess I’d like for us to be more than just guardian and ward....if that’s something you want...”

“It is something I want.” Mr Graves confirmed, looking at Credence with sincerity. “But only if you feel ready for that kind of relationship.”

Credence thought for a moment, going over the past couple of years. He was certainly in a much better place than he had been some time ago and was even considering coming off his medication as he hadn’t had an ‘incident’ in over six months. He still saw Leta, though their appointments were now once a month and they saw each other more as friends than patient and therapist. 

Overall, Credence should be jumping at the opportunity to be in a relationship with Mr Graves, yet there was still the feeling of uncertainty in the back of his mind. There was so much that could go wrong with them being together and Credence wasn’t sure he was ready to take the risk. 

“I...I want us to be more...” Credence whispered. “...but...I’m scared...”

“What are you scared about?” Mr Graves asked.   
Credence sighed. “It’s silly... but... I’m scared you’ll grow sick of me....”

“Credence...” Breathed Mr Graves. “Sweetheart, I won’t grow sick of you... if anything I’m worried you’ll grow sick of me.” He laughed.

“I could never!” Credence gasped, eyes wide. “Mr Graves- I mean- Percival! I would never grow sick of you!”

“I’m not saying you will, sweetheart.” Mr Graves laughed, reaching out to place his hand on top of Credence’s own. “What I’m saying is we’re both nervous. We both have doubts about the future and that’s completely normal. What I need you to remember though is that we’ll both be doing it together.”

Biting his lip, Credence hummed in thought. “But what if-“

“Let’s forget about the what ifs for now.” Mr Graves said. “Let’s just focus on the now and right now I wanna discuss us.”

Nodding timidity, Credence whispered out a small “ok”. 

Mr Graves smiled, rubbing Credence’s hand with his thumb. “Good... now let’s start with the fact that if we’re going to be partners you’re going to need to stop calling me ‘Mr Graves’.”

Credence laughed, blushing as he came to rest his other hand on top of Percival’s. “I’ll try..... Percival...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....yea so a happy ending.... but I do feel the end kinda fell a bit flat.... but every chapter up until now had tears and drama and angst and I just felt there is so many times you can do that in a story 😅 This was quite an emotional write for me and it turned from a romance to an emotional rollercoaster really quickly!!! Like I had a completely different plot planned but that got thrown out the window by chapter 2 XD chapter 3 was supposed to be the end of this story and was supposed to show Credence and Graves as a couple but after reading everyone’s comments I decided to try and represent more mental health in this fic...I may have gotten a tad carried away but hey! For a first Gradence Fic it’s a start~! XD sorry if the end was a bit blah and in the future I may rewrite it but for now we’ll leave it here...and let’s see where the future takes us. ;)

**Author's Note:**

> May delete later


End file.
